Kevin Baldeosingh
The majority of parents in T&T believe that tolerance, respect and obedience are the most important qualities a child should learn, according to the 2006 World Values Survey and the 2009 Child-Rearing Practices Report.
I am not one of those parents. I want my children to be polite, but I do not want them blindly obeying anyone, including their father and mother. I also want them to learn that respect should be earned, not automatically given because of office or status. And yet I doubt either my daughter or my son will grow up to be monsters.
Indeed, most of the parents of delinquent children would probably agree that respect and obedience are desirable traits in a child. But most of the children who have serious problems come from deprived environments—financially, emotionally, and intellectually—and are often from single-mother homes.
The Child Rearing Practices in the Caribbean report, by Carol Logie and Jaipaul L Roopnarine, found that married parents set more rules for their children than single mothers, were less likely to let the children do things without help, and praised and rewarded the children more frequently.
Single mothers are more likely to practise what is called “Uninvolved Parenting,” which is characterised by low levels of rule-setting, low harsh discipline, low autonomy, low rewarding, low discipline, and low ignoring. In Western cultures, the most effective parenting style is called “Authoritative” and involves high rule setting, low harsh discipline, moderate autonomy, low material rewarding, low discipline, high positive parenting, and low ignoring. (In Asian cultures, parenting models appear to have somewhat different effects on children.)
Most of the delinquent adolescents who have been described as “monsters” probably come from homes characterised by uninvolved parenting. Many T&T adults pay lip service to the authoritative style of parenting, which is defined by high rule setting and harsh discipline. But the Child-Rearing report found that only a quarter of the respondents had as children experienced physically violent behaviours such as slapping, slamming, hitting, pushing/pulling/burning. On the other hand, the report also notes that mothers were more likely than fathers to engage in such punishments: 78 per cent of Trinidadian mothers had spanked their children, as compared to 64 per cent of fathers, and nearly half the mothers had slapped their children as compared to less than one-third of the fathers.
“Physical punishment is associated with several undesirable behaviours in children, including anti-social behaviour and delinquency,” say Logie and Roopnarine.
This, however, is not something most T&T parents want to hear. Most people believe that delinquency is caused by insufficient licks and too much exposure to violent media. None of the data support such beliefs, however. Indeed, in Killing Monsters, writer Gerard Jones notes, “The most peaceful, empathetic, conscientious children are often excited by the most aggressive entertainment...Playing with rage is a valuable way to reduce its power.”
This is proved by the fact that violent youths are rarely video game players or even movie buffs. As for music, many children who would harm only a fly are fans of the same rappers as those who grow up to kill and be killed.
If we want to stop making monsters in T&T, we have to focus on the real social and economic factors which produce them and, more importantly, train parents on the best practices for raising healthy and well-adjusted children.
