Did Prime Minister Dr Keith Rowley give perpetrators of crimes against women a get out of jail card during the first of his National Conversations on Monday night?
His suggestion that women should choose their men wisely is being widely condemned by some as victim shaming, although some others are defending Dr Rowley's stance as a call for more responsible behaviour.
Even as that debate rages on, there is no escaping the fact that the statement was ill-timed, given the mood in the nation and widespread insecurity over violent crimes and the fact that one third of the murders in January were the result of domestic violence.
If it is at all possible to facilitate a more level-headed discussion of the matter without accusations or opportunistic political interventions, it would be useful to have an examination of the factors that contribute to the high number of domestic abuse incidents in this country, with the objective of finding solutions that can be translated into policies, programmes and possibly legislative improvements.
On the matter of relationships, however, the complex issues that lead to violence and abuse between couples cannot be explained away in a single sound byte-something Dr Rowley should know, not just as an experienced politician but as a husband and father. Surely the onus cannot be only on women when things go terribly wrong in a relationship.
What about the men? Most people desire long-term, lasting, loving relationships and the fact is that men turn violent for a number of reasons. Alcohol, drug abuse, infidelity, job loss, economic pressures, are just some of the many complicated issues that trigger abusive behaviour in men so inclined. However, at no time should these problems be given as an excuse for the physical and mental assault of an intimate partner.
The message that needs to be sent to the public is that domestic abuse is never acceptable and there should not ever be the slightest suggestion that the victim is be responsible for the crime. Right thinking people work things out.
They seek the help they need to mend the broken relationship, whether it is by of counselling, medical help, or a family intervention. They don't resort to violence.
The other thing that must be made clear is that domestic abuse is a crime and the perpetrators of these heinous crimes are not capable of rational thinking. How then could this ever be the victim's fault? Dr Rowley must explain how he arrived at his conclusion.
Even the perception that some victims just go out and choose the wrong spouse or lover is wrong. The fact is that, with all the best intentions in the world, a woman could, to the best of her knowledge, make what she believes to be a good choice then get strapped with a Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde character.
Also there is the matter of a system that does not protect women and girls from abuse and exploitation. Protection orders are easily breached and there are hardly any places of safety and support for abused women and their children.
While he did not intend it to be that way, with a few careless words Dr Rowley has fed into the mindset of "she look for that" which exposes women in need of protection to ridicule and shame and makes it more difficult for them to get help.
However, there is still an opportunity for the damage to be repaired. Instead defending his wrong choice of words, Dr Rowley can apologise for the hurt and confusion caused by his comments and use the opportunity for a national discussion about ridding T&T of the scourge of abuse.
This could be a chance to turn things around, shine a more positive light by changing the conversation from the problem to solutions.
Right thinking people work things out. They seek the help they need to mend the broken relationship,
